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Five Senses
Today I vacuumed my dad’s room. This was something I did practically twice a day. This was the first time it has been vacuumed since he died. I sat in his recliner the other day and had one of the best naps. Maybe he was telling me to rest. I don’t know if I feel… Continue reading
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Tag Team…
This morning we headed to the zoo. Each visit becomes a way for me to see the growth of Sedi. I still remember our very first visit. Today she was extremely attentive and it is always so shocking to just be reminded of how small she was. This was the first time my dad was… Continue reading
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The most selfless man I knew..
I have enough emails, texts, and memories of our phone calls to write an anthology. He pushed me in a way that no one has ever pushed me and always made me see the silver lining… He introduced me to my second ex husband and although I fussed at him about that, he also made… Continue reading
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Tranquility
He passed. He passed in his NSU shirt. He passed while I wore the faded NSU sweatshirt. Behold the Green and Gold… Pouring out a bag of peanuts right on the 50 yard line… The candle that was burning was tranquility…. Continue reading
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HBCU Pride… Aggie & Spartan
I’m an Aggie with a NSU sweatshirt on today. I grew up saying “behold the green and gold!l As a matter of fact, their band is why I choose to play the saxophone. I’ll tell that story another time. My dad has on his NSU T-shirt of my high school big sister from band who… Continue reading
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Transitions…
Everything the medical team said would happen is happening. I swore I was strong, but the realization that my dad really will be gone…. Soon… is pretty hard. I’m thankful! For three years he has been with us. He has been the absolute best and if only I could embody his strength and his fortitude.… Continue reading
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Mommy duties..
Today I received a respite voucher for rest. When I shared all that I do, the coordinator shared I made her day. She said you are still so positive despite. My dad is unconscious. Anthony’s blood sugars were so high this weekend, we almost went to the hospital. Sedi was fine though. She laughed. Anthony… Continue reading
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What I love about being a mom…
God blessed me with great kiddos. For 18 years I was a mom only to Anthony. I don’t know what I did to deserve both him and Sedi, but I’m thankful. I don’t like having clothes that are in the basket waiting to be folded. Unfortunately this has been my life for awhile now. Today… Continue reading
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Transitions…
Dr. Candi and Melissa just prayed with me. Melissa stated I was the glue and now I need the strength. Channel went to get lavender for me yesterday because I was running out. It smelled weird, so I looked on the bottle. It’s lilac. I do t like lilac. I cleaned the diffusers out and… Continue reading
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Just to be transparent…
I woke up this morning after sleeping for a full seven hours. The last few days I felt dizzy. I realized it was because my body was tired and overall I was just neglecting me… I said last week I would not do this, but life continues to “life” and there was so much for… Continue reading
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Life and Death
I’ve been watching my dad decline extremely fast. If I could be honest, I’m petrified to walk upstairs because I don’t know what I might see… I don’t know if he will be alive. I don’t know if he will be awake and confused about who I am. I’m really scared that I will find… Continue reading
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Always remember
Always remember the good times. Smile when life seems to get out of hand. Remember that nothing can stop God from blessing you. Yesterday my dad’s care team and I were certain that he was knocking on death. He was laying in peace. He would not wake for nothing and he has been bed bound… Continue reading
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Relearning how to self care…it begins on a Wednesday
I’m on day ten of 100 articles in 100 days. This is to prepare me for the final stages of my PhD program; written comps, proposal, and then dissertation. I’m far from the “on-point” Ki that I use to be. Today I beat myself up because I missed my appointment with my advisor. While I… Continue reading
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Sedinam’s Mother
Sedinam warms my heart daily. Ya’ll, I must admit that I am tired! I do not profess this to complain by any means. My girl is a busy body and daily I learn so much about the medical issues that she faces; autism and cerebral palsy. This morning she started school. Well, today was the… Continue reading
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Be lead by the Holy Spirit
In one day she will be 3. She received a few packages in the mail today and I was told to be on the lookout for tomorrow and Monday. I’m taking her to build a bear this weekend to get her another bear. I also decided next month she and I will take mommy and… Continue reading
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Countdown to three… lessons
I woke up very early this morning. Most mornings I’m up early, but this morning I woke up to pray and just to sit in solitude. Yesterday I met with two of my committee members for my PhD program and my upcoming comprehensive exams and dissertation. It felt very good. I walked out of both… Continue reading
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Countdown…Sedi is almost 3
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is to let it go and remember that God will never forsaken me. The first blog that I wrote highlighted emotions that I had encountered and the same lesson that I’m claiming to have learned. As I think about this journey, three years ago I was hospitalized and… Continue reading
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Three years…
My testimony has truly showed just how #ThisThingCalledLife …”lifes” us! Life is lifing… Today I need a nap. I need someone to come in and just give me 12 hours to catch up on work, sleep, and just wander… Being a caregiver is the most rewarding, yet exhausting profession. I’m certain it’s a career. I’m… Continue reading
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Early Mornings…Early Nights..
I have come across a few social media dead beat dad posts. I must admit that the content is hilarious! I have shared before that never in a million years would I have thought that I would be a single mother (and I must preference this with saying doing this solely alone with a monthly… Continue reading
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I forgot what I really wanted the title to be..
I ran my bath this evening. This was after I bathed Sedi, fed Sedi for the fourth time via her gtube, taught two classes, took books to a school that I meant to do five months ago, responded to a few texts and emails, and let’s not forget do the caregiving tasks for my dad.… Continue reading
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From 13 ounces to almost 3
Daily I comb her hair. I really do. I washed it last night and parted her hair into three sections. She slept with three ponytails. This morning I brushed and combed each section before putting her hair ties back into her hair. Many days it does not look like I do her hair. There are… Continue reading
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Time…
Time heals. Time allows you to sit and reflect. Time allows you to grow. Time allows you to realize your purpose. Three years ago I was hospitalized with the doctor’s hope that I would remain pregnant as long as possible. I was about 19/20 weeks when my blood pressure started rising and my headaches started… Continue reading
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Trusting…
This morning the picture that popped up for my google memory was the photo of Mike and Sedinam. Mike was looking down at her and it reminds me so much of how gentle he always was with Anthony. I remember that day and remember what led to him holding her. A few weeks ago, I… Continue reading
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Peace
My therapist told me today how peaceful I’ve been looking. Y’all, I must admit that nothing can take away my peace after all that I’ve encountered over the last few years. Sedi is almost 3 and as I prayed the other night, I was reminded of why God gave her to me. I’ve had several… Continue reading
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Life is…
Life is as great as you make it. I said this a lot when I first started blogging. So often we fail to see this and we fail to see that those exams that we are given are nothing more than the mini test that we have already passed with flying colors. We stress and we… Continue reading
About Me
I have been afforded the ability to accept the many trials, laughs, tribulations that life throws my way and embrace them as much as possible. I am a mom, a lover of life, and person that reflects too much.